5 Amazing Herbs for Support and Healing During a Divorce or Break up
Most people think of herbal support as being more for physical ailments, but they are also surprisingly effective in helping to support us through mental and emotional, even spiritual, challenges. There are so many to work with, but here are 5 of my favorite plant medicines to support you through a divorce or break up. I use them primarily in tincture or flower essence form, and often both together.
As you’ll see, these 5 cover a lot of ground in the emotional minefield of a divorce or break up.
(Do not use when pregnant or nursing. Other contraindications, when necessary, are listed after each herb.)
Hawthorn: It’s the one most people might have heard about or had some experience with. The berry and flower is the common part of the tree that is used. Hawthorn is a powerful medicine for healing a broken heart, even down to the physical ache or pain in the heart. It helps ease the acute grief that can cut so deep it activates existential fears of rejection and abandonment. In that way it can help us to work with past wounds and unfinished business of heartaches or betrayals that haven’t been resolved. Break ups often dredge old wounds to the surface anyway, so Hawthorn is excellent to use during this time.
Contraindications: Because it is used so widely in calming arrhythmia and other cardiac conditions, caution is recommended when combining with heart medications.
Mimosa: In Chinese medicine mimosa is known as “the tree of happiness”. It works wonderfully to bring a calming, stabilizing energy during the grieving process. It’s a gentle presence that helps create a safe space to open and anchor the heart so it can process the emotions. It’s expansive and helps bring more light in to offset the sadness and heaviness of relationship loss. It helps us to catch our breath and find some sense of stable ground during the tumultuous time of a divorce or break up.
Contraindications: Not recommended for people with bi-polar disorder, or history of mania. It can act as an unwanted stimulant in these cases, or with those with autism.
Bleeding Heart: This plant is surprisingly effective in helping those who have a tendency towards codependency and over-giving. It works with just what the name implies - those “bleeding heart” souls who are overly empathetic and don’t have clear, strong boundaries. It provides a sense of detachment that’s so needed, especially during such an emotional time, so we can focus on ourselves instead of others. I found it helps you want to focus on yourself, even when it’s been a life long pattern to give more to others. It can help someone who really was codependent in the relationship to relate to the ex in a more healthy, self-supportive way, while navigating the break up. Which is often crucial to coming out of it better than when you went into it.
Contraindications: May interact with antidepressants and sedatives.
Violet: Violet is also called Heart’s Ease and is particularly helpful for very sensitive souls. It’s both an anti-inflammatory and a nervine so it’s very helpful when anger is taking over your emotions and you’re caught up in your mind and thoughts. It’s cooling and soothing, helping to quiet the mind, balance the anger so you can hear your heart, and process the hard emotions. It helps you get to what is true for you in the break up, and what you want and need going forward. It beautifully helps evolved, sensitive beings feel safe and protected to do the hard work of healing, and get back out into the world.
Rose: And saving the best for last, Rose - the Queen of the Heart. Rose is a high vibrational plant being who helps us rise out of the ashes of our grief and loss. She brings that luscious, sensual beauty to our hearts to encourage them to open again to love - but only after we love ourselves the best, and first. Rose helps us to get our priorities right - Self first, and then Other. Rose is nurturing, and nourishing to our spirit. It helps us move into states of wholeness and well being after such a hard time. It helps us remember that it’s ok to take risks, and open ourselves to love again, maybe even being hurt in love, because that’s how life goes. And it’s better to be in the game with all our sensual, sexy being, open to all possibilities, than to forgo and forsake any chance of love. Here the essential oil is the primary use of rose as the aromatics are very healing. After that my favorite way to take it is as a glycerite. It’s like a sweet elixir that smells and tastes heavenly. I get it at Avena Botanicals.
With all plant medicines, getting the right dosage is important. If you don’t have enough of the medicine in you it can’t do it’s work effectively, and you won’t feel much from it. Tinctures can be taken 2-3 times a day, taking anywhere from 30 drops to 1/2 teaspoon depending on your tolerance. Best to start low and work with the plant to see how it’s reacting and responding in your body. You can always increase the dose.
Flower essences can be taken anywhere from every hour to 2-3 times a day, depending on how acutely you need the support. 4 drops under the tongue with each dose is good. You can also put the essences in with the tincture and take them together. Some people feel these pretty strongly and some don’t feel anything at all. That’s ok, they’re working anyway. Usually you’ll know they’ve completed their work with you when you don’t feel like taking them as much.
You can also combine any of these plants and take them together. For example hawthorn and mimosa are great together.
And finally, the best way to get the most out of these plant medicines is to acknowledge them and offer a short prayer of request and gratitude when you take them. That could look like this: “Please help my heart feel safe and calm, so I can feel more stable and strong during this time. Thank you for your beautiful medicine.” When I do this I can actually feel the difference in how I feel the herb or flower come into me - it’s like it brightens and activates by being acknowledged and thanked.
We are so lucky to have these beautiful plant beings to support us when we’re going through such an awful time. There’s no need to do it alone, and they are happy to help. I hope you’ll try them!
Resources: You can get tinctures at mountainroseherbs.com, or your local herb shop. I get a lot of my flower essences on Etsy where there are some great herbal practitioners. Rose oil can be found at edensgarden.com. Rose elixir at avenabotanicals.com.